When someone betrays us, how does the brain deal with it?

These new studies out of Switzerland give clues to a hormone, oxytocin, associated with social attachment. In order to investigate the role of oxytocin following breaches of trust, the experimenters scanned 49 participants who were given either placebo or oxytocin via a nasal spray. The participants in the oxytocin group showed decreases in responses in areas of the brain responsible for emotions. The male and female brain may react differently - under normal conditions - since females naturally have more oxytocin in their brains than males. Females may be more trusting or take longer to realize they have been betrayed.

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Today we’ll hear from a dietician who is concerned about her personal weight gain and a 17-year-old experiencing intense PMS. Also we’ll discuss Dr. Brizendine’s comments in a recent issue of “O” magazine about a critical time in childhood development to address self-esteem in young girls.

To listen click the play button on the blue Blog Talk Radio box on the right >>.

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At a recent family reunion celebrating my grandmother’s 90th birthday, I couldn’t help but eavesdrop on the juicy conversation shared by some women sitting at the table next to me. Carefully hidden behind my delicious slice of ice cream cake, I was a bit surprised to learn that despite the various ages and contexts of their lives, these single women - aged 16 to 90, including Dear Grandma - what these women wanted from a partner was more similar than it was different. From prom date-seekers and serial daters to divorcees and widows, self-sufficiency was the overwhelming theme.

In her discussion about menopause in “The Female Brain,” Dr. Brizendine, notes the interesting correlation between decreasing estrogen/oxytocin levels and women feeling, well, less willing to be caretakers. This seems to be a time of life where women become more interested in exploring their own identity rather than supporting the exploration of another.

Listening in a the reunion, however, I was interested in the independent streak that women of all ages expressed. For one thing, the stereotype of the commitment phobic male was turned on its head. Men, it seems, are more ready to settle down than ever, whether it be transferring to a closer college, proposing marriage, or moving to the apartment next door in the assisted living facility. But we are turning them down. Despite the fact that most women at the table would rather be partnered than not, the costs of commitment can seem high. Here is what I heard:

On what women don’t want:

“I like feeling self sufficient, being in charge of myself, my house, my investments. After caring for a husband with Alzheimer’s, I don’t want to have to share. I also don’t want to be dependent on a man.” – age 85

“I don’t want to be needed too much. Also, he should not be jealous of my girlfriends or animals.” – age 56

“I don’t want him to move out here, be miserable, and then make me miserable” – age 30

“I don’t want him calling all the time; I’m too busy studying!” –age 17

And what they do:

“Someone who thinks it’s cool I’m going to business school.” – age 26

“I want two 100 percents coming together, not two halves.” –age 30

“Decency, good grammar, a good driver with a nice car. It would be fun to have an excuse to buy a new dress, to look nice for someone.” –age 85, and seconded by her 16 year old granddaughter

“Someone to hold hands with while I watch General Hospital, and who will leave when it’s over.” –age 90

It appears the new-found and hard-won independence of my family’s menopausal standard bearers has spread up and down the generations. As one single 51-year-old summarizes, “The freedom to do what I want, when I want, with whom I want (including other men) is wonderful. It would be great if I found someone who fit my lifestyle. But in the mean time, I’ve having a ball!”

Spotted on: Maxim and True Office Confessions
Like a chic purse or pair of sexy heels, if you don’t yet have an Office Husband you’re missing out on one of the summer’s hottest accessories. OH’s are all the rage on True Office Confessions, and even made this month’s cover of Details magazine. But should the guy who gets you through those long work days be the guy who gets you through the lonely nights?

As the Maxim story points out, women’s ascendance in the workplace and longer hours have changed relationship dynamics at home and at the office. But it’s likely that most women are just looking for companionship and not actually wanting to consummate the connections. (Watch out for those Maxim men on the prowl in their irresistible power suits!) As one woman was quoted, “We work well together because we’re so close, and flirting makes work fun. It’s perfect as is—I don’t want the drama a real affair brings.”

Cubicle soul mates with real life spouses may also not appreciate the office bonding, especially wives. Since 75% of family obligations still fall on women’s shoulders even though they work the same number of hours as men, it’s likely that they’d be the ones getting the bum end of the deal while their husbands loiter at work “restocking the supply closet.”

Powerful women may now be the ones having their cast-off cabana boys transferred to the mail room after ill-advised trysts, but such dalliances are still a major professional and personal risk.

Spotted On: AskMen
If Mr. Right doesn’t yet fit into your busy Outlook calendar and Mr. Right Now is looking pretty irresistible in his snug jeans with that dashing smile, it makes sense to consider a friends-with-benefits arrangement. Unlike the random Cassanovas on Saturday night who’ll love you and leave you, a dependable guy pal who will take the time to learn what pleases you is a highly desirable thing, and as this AskMen.com article points out, plenty of guys are looking for such a scenario.

So why does this seemingly ideal set up often implode after its first few months?

You may not be wearing a chic cave girl outfit, but your female brain is still chemically wired to find a man who will build a nest around you and provide for your prospective children. Friendly hookups might start out that way, but many women ultimately struggle with the friends-with-benefits protocol because of this evolutionary progression. Once the hormone oxytocin is released in your brain after sex, you might find yourself unwittingly attached. So if you’re not looking for confusing drama or heartache, you may want to go into the situation planning to say goodbye to your sleepover stud after three months have passed. Consider it evolutionary empowerment when you’re the one to kick a “clingy” guy out of bed!