Can Women Really Be Friends With Benefits?
Spotted On: AskMen
If Mr. Right doesn’t yet fit into your busy Outlook calendar and Mr. Right Now is looking pretty irresistible in his snug jeans with that dashing smile, it makes sense to consider a friends-with-benefits arrangement. Unlike the random Cassanovas on Saturday night who’ll love you and leave you, a dependable guy pal who will take the time to learn what pleases you is a highly desirable thing, and as this AskMen.com article points out, plenty of guys are looking for such a scenario.
So why does this seemingly ideal set up often implode after its first few months?
You may not be wearing a chic cave girl outfit, but your female brain is still chemically wired to find a man who will build a nest around you and provide for your prospective children. Friendly hookups might start out that way, but many women ultimately struggle with the friends-with-benefits protocol because of this evolutionary progression. Once the hormone oxytocin is released in your brain after sex, you might find yourself unwittingly attached. So if you’re not looking for confusing drama or heartache, you may want to go into the situation planning to say goodbye to your sleepover stud after three months have passed. Consider it evolutionary empowerment when you’re the one to kick a “clingy” guy out of bed!
This is some text prior to the author information. You can change this text from the admin section of WP-Gravatar Maegan Carberry is a Los Angeles-based opinion journalist and consultant who specializes in politics, media and the so-called spoiled Millennial Generation. Read more from this author
August 20th, 2008 at 6:04 am
Very interesting article. At the tender age of 52 years young, I began a ‘friend-with-benefits’ arrangement four months ago. I thought it was the perfect solution for me because my ‘friend’ lives in a different city (a place where I would never consider relocating); I already knew I liked him very much as a person, plus I figured spending 2-3 days every couple of months with someone who is witty, intelligent, honest, trust-worthy, able to get and keep an erection, and interested in doing so, would provide all the attention I needed without the anxiety that comes from trying to make a relationship work with someone who is looking for (and I love this analogy) a “nurse with a purse.”
I thought I was the very essence of a modern, clever, middle-aged career woman - getting everything I wanted when I wanted it, entirely on my terms. I loved to see his head lights, and I loved to see his tail lights even more for the first three months; however, this time when he left, I realized that something had changed.
Reading Dr. Brizendine’s book, “The Female Brain” has enlightened me. Had I understood four months ago about that wonderful yet insidious hormone, oxytocin, I wonder if I would have gone into the friend-with-benefits arrangement so cavalierly. I’ve learned that I’m treading in dangerous emotional waters, and feel like my very own physiology has betrayed me. Friend-with-benefits is a great idea in theory, but there are some things we just can’t control; specifically, our hormones!